The Money Talk: Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Say “I Do”

Alright, let’s get real for a second—talking about money with your partner isn’t always easy, but trust me, it’s a conversation you need to have before you get married. Money can make or break relationships, but the good news is, if you and your partner are on the same page from the start (or if you get on the same page after reading this), you can avoid a lot of the drama. I know it can feel awkward to ask, “Hey, how much do you make?” or “Do you have debt?” but you’ve gotta get comfortable being uncomfortable if you want to build a solid financial future together. I’m a money girlie so I ask these questions super early on, but bring these up as you’re comfortable.

Here’s how you can ease into these conversations, what to ask, and most importantly, what to do with the information.

Start with Storytelling

I always say, you’ve gotta lead by example. Instead of launching into a Q&A session and interrogating your partner, share your own financial story first. Maybe it’s how you learned to save, how much you make, or that time you racked up credit card debt in college and had to claw your way out. Being vulnerable and open about money will encourage your partner to do the same.

Now that you’ve shared, it’s time to ask: “What’s your relationship with money like?” This question opens the door to deeper conversations about their past experiences—maybe they’ve had financial trauma or maybe they grew up in a household where money was no big deal. Some people view money through a scarcity lens where they spend a lot because they remember how it was like to not be able to spend on themselves at all. Others have the same experience but this causes them to hoard money instead of spending at all because they never want to go back to the past. Either way, understanding how they view money and why they view money that way is huge. It can give you insight into how your financial future can be with them and why they may the decisions they do.

Debt—The Big One

Debt is one of those things that can sneak up on a relationship if you don’t talk about it early. You don’t want to be caught off guard by a mountain of student loans or credit card balances later on. So, ask: “Do you have any debt? How much? Do you have a plan to pay it off? What does that plan look like? What is your credit score?”

This isn’t about judgment—it’s about understanding the financial baggage each of you is bringing into the relationship. If one of you is debt-free while the other is drowning in loans, it’s something to acknowledge and figure out how you’ll tackle it. Will you combine efforts and pay off debt as a team? Or will you each handle your own? Either way, be open and supportive. I know this seems like a scary topic, but it’s important to know someone’s debt because when you get married, their debt becomes your debt. Let’s say you want to apply for a mortgage together but because of your partner’s credit score due to their debt, you don’t qualify for one of the A lenders. This could cost you thousands of dollars paying extra interest.

Remember: someone isn’t bad if they have debt, but their approach to it should align with your long term goals.

Salary & Saving: Let’s Talk Numbers

You need to know where both of you stand when it comes to income. Ask: “How much do you make?” I know it feels a bit intrusive, but you need to know the real numbers so you can plan your financial future together. And while you’re at it, ask: “Do you save? Is there a set amount you save monthly or do you save as you feel? Are you saving for anything specific?”

Saving habits are a huge indicator of financial discipline. If your partner has a tendency to live paycheque to paycheque while you’re over here building your emergency fund, that’s something to be aware of. You might need to help them set up a savings plan or talk about the importance of budgeting. It’s not about changing them, but finding ways to make sure you’re both working toward the same financial goals, or else you may end up dragging them along or consistently picking up their slack.

Attitudes Toward Spending & Debt

Now, one of my favourite questions to ask is: “How do you view debt?” This is super important because some people see debt as a tool—like getting a mortgage or taking out a business loan—while others are allergic to it. You need to understand where your partner stands so you can plan your financial life accordingly. This is important because it gives you a sense of what risks they are willing to take on. Some people will take out loans to invest in crypto – I personally do like taking this kind of risk and I would be on edge constantly with a partner who wanted to spend our funds that way.

On top of that, ask: “How would you describe your spending habits? What are the top three things you spend your money on? If you got $1 million today, what would you do with the money?” Are they a saver, spender, or a little bit of both? And, “What are your non-negotiables when it comes to money?” This is where you’ll see if you’re aligned. Maybe your partner loves to travel and splurges on first-class flights, while you’d rather invest that money. You’ll need to figure out how to compromise, but it’s all about open communication.

The Family Factor

Now here’s a question that people don’t always think to ask but is so important: “Are you expected to support your family financially in the future?” Whether it’s aging parents or sending money back home, family responsibilities can have a major impact on your finances. You need to know upfront if supporting others is going to be a part of your joint financial future—and how long that responsibility might last. It’s not just about money leaving the household, but also about aligning on the emotional weight that comes with those responsibilities.

Spending Stress & Financial Triggers

Here’s one that really gets to the heart of it: “When you’re stressed, what do you tend to do with your money?” We’ve all had those moments where retail therapy feels like the answer to a rough day, but if your partner is constantly spending when things get tough, that’s something you need to know. It’s about being aware of your partner’s financial triggers and helping each other stay accountable.

Action Steps: Money Dates & Financial Transparency

Alright, now that you’ve had “the talk,” it’s time for action. I highly recommend having a money date where you both go over your finances in detail. And yes, that includes sharing your credit scores, looking at any outstanding debts, and reviewing your investment portfolios (if you have them). This level of transparency builds trust and helps you get a clear picture of where you stand as a couple.

And let’s talk about budgeting—are you both budgeting regularly? Do you have financial goals for the year? This is where you’ll ask: “What are your short-term and long-term financial goals?” It’s so important to align on this. Maybe you’re saving for a down payment on a house, while they’re focused on maxing out their retirement accounts. Knowing this upfront helps you work together toward a shared future.

Future Planning: Marriage, Kids, and Beyond

Finally, you’ve gotta talk about the big stuff—marriage, kids, and how you’re going to manage finances as a family. “How do you plan to split finances in a marriage? Do you want a joint account, or will we keep things separate? How do you want to split domestic and financial tasks in the home?” These decisions can affect your entire financial future, so be clear on what works for both of you.

And if you’re planning on having children, ask: “What’s your ideal way to prepare financially if we decide to have kids?” Kids come with all sorts of unexpected costs, so you want to make sure you’re both ready—emotionally and financially—for that responsibility.

Building Your Financial Future Together

Look, I know these conversations can feel heavy, but they’re so important if you want to build a life together that’s not only filled with love, but also financial stability. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions—it’s way better to be open and transparent now than to deal with surprises down the road. In the wise words of my father, if they don’t have a gps for their life…run.

Also note that you can ask all these questions, but sometimes people just say what you want to hear. Make sure you also observe their behaviours with money – this will tell you a lot.

You’ve got this! Comment with any other questions you think are essential to ask your partner before getting married.

xo,
Reni